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Probably everyone of us who loves writing and reading fanfictions had that one fanfic in their favourite fandom that's just The One. The one where you can't believe it exists, which is better than many books you read, which you never want to end. The one that you worship and push on everybody else.

For me (and a lot of other fans) that one fanfiction is "Loaded March". A genius piece written for the BBC Merlin Fandom, that I could read over and over and over again. It's a modern AU, military themed with hints to reincarnation and it'll probably make you hesitate to start because it's long, very long. But I'd really recommend you to overcome that fear and commit to it, because you'll love it.

Since I appreciate the hard work that went into that story and wanted to show that and also because I was finally in the mood I (who never draws) made an artwork for it. When I find the scene where this first appears, I'll post it. But just to explain it in short: Merlin is kind of a nerd and a genius of course and besides his magical abilities he's also an IT-Overlord or something. That's why he invented his own software called "Merlinware" (damn, so creative). The logo of said software was described as as dragon curling around an 'M'. Easy enough I thought. And with the help of wassereis I could finally finish it.

This is for all the Merlin-Fans who are also Loaded March fans and especially for the creator of this impressive work!

Link to "LM" on AO3 loaded_march

The 'M' is of course the Merlin-M.

I can´t live...

Pairing: Tony/KangTa (SeungHo/ChilHyun) from the southkorean pop group H.O.T
Gengre: Songfic
Song: I can´t live by Harry Nilson

(Found this on a USB stick. It´s pretty old I guess but I still like it.)

I can't live

No I can't forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way the story goes

Everyday I see you, I follow you. It is impossible for me to avoid you.
You have to be in sight.
You are leaving the house and going along the street. The street I walked so often to meet you.
But now I don't meet you anymore. Not since you left me.
While you are going around a corner I remember the time before you left and my last glance at you.

You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows
Yes it shows

I see you well in front of my eyes in those days. Days that were to little and to short.
You sat always next to me and smiled. And this smile was beautiful, even if it was fake.
“You look much better, Hyung.”
“Stop lying. I know that I look terrible.”
“No, I'm serious. Look, soon we'll be able to go to the sea, like you promised it to me.”
We laugh and pretend that this is the truth.
Your laughter makes me happy, that's why I agree with you, although everything is a lie.

No I can't forget tomorrow
when I think of all my sorrow
When I had you there but then I let you go

You have stopped to talk to someone. A friend whom I believe to know.
You look sad. As you lower your head he lies his hand on you shoulder and bends down. Whispers something in your ear.
I think I am jealous when I look at both of you being together.
I should be, but it's hard for me to feel anything.
“Damn it, I can't stand your face anymore! Leave!”
“But Hyung! Please, you don't mean it.”
Your eyes are filled with tears and beg me. Every word from your mouth is full of pain.
I have to stay strong.
I...I can't be with you.
“Shut up! How do you wanna know what I mean and what I don't?! Tell me!”
“Go out of here! I never wanna see you again!”

You are raising from you knees and giving me a last glance. It's killing me.
Afterwards I only look at your back how it is getting out of the door.
I'm sitting there, heavily breathing, and believing that you hate me.
But it should be like this, I wanted it.

And now it's only fair that I should let you know
What you should know

I never would have thought that it would be me who sends you away. Who brings so much pain to your gentle face.
Thereby I still love you.
You are standing at the flower shop. Which flowers you'll buy?
With surprise I see white lilies. It were those flowers which I often gave to you. You are as pure as them. I know it.
But for whom you are buying them?
For your new love?
Give them to him.
He surely will bring you happiness.
You continue your walk and don't notice that I'm following you. It's like a compulsion.
I'm curious to which place this way is leading us.
But as long as I see you in front of me I won't stop.

I can't live if living is without you
I can't live
I can't give anymore

I take a look around as you end your walk after many streets. We are standing on a wide field and the evening sun is already showing.
You are standing quietly in front of a white stone.
I'm watching you from afar. I can see that you are trembling though.
I should embrace you but I don't dare doing it.
“Hyung...I know you are here.”
A little surprised I'm taking a step in your direction. You noticed me after all.
Why didn't you say anything before?
“You are always around me, I can feel it. I was stupid...”
Your shoulders shiver. You are grabbing the flowers. I can hear that you are crying.
Show me your face, please.
“I...didn't want to understand why you hurt me so suddenly. Why you were rejecting me.
But now I know it. It took some time but I understood everything. Forgive me.”
No, don't beg for forgiveness. I'm a bad person.
I should beg. But no word is leaving my mouth. I am a coward.

I can't live if living is without you

“Mr. Ahn Seung Ho it's not looking good for you...”
“I know.”
“I'm sorry that I have only bad news.”
The door opens and closes, but I hardly notice it. Not since I can not hope for you to come through that door.
I regret what I did but it was the right thing. It was my only possibility to save you.
And everything will end soon.

I can' t give, I can't give anymore

I see how you're falling to your knees. Your quiet sobs are wavering in my direction while you are lying the flowers down.
If my forgiveness means so much to you I'd be happy to give it to you.
After endless minutes you are rising from your position and wiping the tears from your face.
I grow nearer and look at you from aside.
“Hyung, I miss you everyday, you know. But you're always with me, aren't you?”
Sure I am. Always.
“I'm happy about that. It's hard to go on. But I'll make it for you. I'll never forget you.”
I won't forget you either. Never.
Let me be by your side again.
Look at me.
You are smiling.
“Hyung, I love you.”
With those words you turn around and leave.
-I love you too.-
I should say it, but I don't make it.
Slowly I step to the place where you lay the flowers down. It's a grave.
Only a name is written on the white stone, nothing more. It doesn't tell me anything, but that's not unusual to me. I forget quickly. Only you I could never forget.
And again I'm turning around to follow you.
Without noticing, without knowing that the name on this grave belongs to me.

I can't live if living is without you...

I´m selling the Exquisite Rhinestone&Dotted Gauze Outfit in grey from the Fanplusfriend Garden.
It was bought in 2010 and was only worn twice. All the detailed accessoires which come with the outfit are still complete and can be removed easily.
The current location of the outfit is Berlin/Germany. Shipping is included (national and international). The price of 90€ is still negotiable.


Whole Outfit (blouse, shoes and tights not included)


Detail photo: Top

Lenght: 35 cm
Size: european S (with shiring on the back)


Detail photo: Bottom

Lenght: 56 cm
Size: european S
Waist: 60-63 cm

If you´re interested or have any questions please let me know^^

Selling some stuff

Hello, long time no see haha~

Since I´ll move into a new flat I chose to sell some of my stuff. I´ve put it on ebay already so check it out maybe you´ll find something nice for yourself there keke~
I didn´t put it in the ebay information but if there´s any interest I´d ship to foreign countries too, just have to figure out the fees. So if you´re interested just ask. And if you´d like to buy something directling from me without bidding feel free to write me a message and we´ll talk about the price ;)
Have fun!


Sold Out!


Journey to Korea Part VIII


Journey to Korea Part VIII


Friday the 15th was some holiday in Korea, thus we had no classes Yayyyy!!!

Everyone who was interested could drive with the Japanese woman to Busan(Korea’s prettiest harbor city) for a little shopping. I was so happy to get this chance cause Gyeongju’s fucking boring.

As we arrived we got one hour to stay at the beach and it was wonderful to see the sea again. Specially the part with huge ships and small boats. 

I made some photos of us jumping around in the water. Cause I didn’t use suncream I was later sitting in the sand with my umbrella. XD It was really useful.

After our little sea trip we went back, passing a long bridge (it kind of looks like the Golden Gate Bridge) to the city center and got off the bus at the shopping street.

 And the first thing I heard wasBIG BANG!!!! O_______________O (Dirty Cash) It came from a random box on the street next to a small shop. And after Big Bang cameBig Bangsurprise (Oh my Friend feat. No Brain) But the most time I heard their new song ‘Haru haru’. It was played in every second shop. I was so lucky that big bangs third mini album came out when I was in Korea.

Susu and I had asked our Korean teacher if she knows any CD shops in Busan and she said there’s only one. Thus we didn’t even searched for it. The streets are just to crowded and full of millions of small shops and magazines. It’s nearly impossible to find anything. That’s why we were just walking around senseless and went in a ‘Hello Kitty’ store to buy a present for our teacher. OMG so much stuff I nearly went crazy. Even Hello Kitty stuff for your car! The choice was hard but at least we bought her a little cosmetic case and board markers.

I wasn’t really in a shopping mood and I only wanted to buy music. 
It was good that we had so much time 'cause while we were walking around we bumped in to the only music store in Busan. My eyes were nearly poping out of my head . There were a million ShinHwa posters in the window and they had even one H.o.T CD left. (2. album, I already have it but a chinese girl bought the CD later XD)  And tons of photobooks. Mostly from ShinHwa's 10th album. (OMG those pictures are really...yeah...they look a little gay...sexy but a little to gay XD'') I bought so much from BigBang. Second Liveconcert with photobook, history photobook(BB are so nice to foreign fans, the book is written in english!!!), 3. mini album, KangTa and Vanness Scandal repackage (in the booklet are photos I've never seen before^^) and between the DVD's I found sonething I'd never expected to get: Moon hee Jun's 1st Liveconcert DVD! I'm so happyhappyhappy!!!
Now I was in my shopping mood. So I bought some clothes and stuff for my cellphone. 
(Something strange happened before we left the Busan. I wanted to buy something in a small supermarket but the guy there didn't want to sell it. He only said "no salenosale" with no obvious reason. The thing I wanted was nothing special, it had a price on it and everything but I couldn't ask what the problem was. It really sucks when two persons aren't able to understand eachother because of language boarders.)

On Saturday we planned to visit Gyeongjworld-Amusement park. Unfortunatley it rainded the whole day. Thus we just chilled out in our room and I felt like going crazy 'cause Iw as sooo bored. I saviours came at 10 o'clock pm. A few younger woman fronm the japanese group (we made friends with them^^) asked if we want to go and sing karaoke. So we went to the city: 6 japanese woman, 1 japanese guy, 2 german girls, 1 austrian guy, and later we met 2 korean woman and o\1 korean guy. So in the end we were 13 people singing karaoke in one room XDDD and it was so much fun. The most time they sung Boa songs and then started to dance. So we gave in. Suddenley Britney Spears' Toxic was played and they gave me the micro and just said:
"Please sing sing!" They were lucke that I used to be a fan. (Omly 'cause I can speak english doesn't mean that I know every english song)
Later this night we went to a bar called 'London Hof'. It's nice and cheap there. The korean girls started to mix Cola with Soju and beer and got a really gross potion and made nearly everyone drink it. Thus after a short while some of us were really drunk (except me and Mario 'cause we don't drink (and Susu 'cause she's so boring that she'd gone home) But I was satisfied 'cause the party was more fun the more the others drunk XDDD At least we were just taking senseless photos and language difficulties didn't matter anymore. 
I got home at 4 o'clock in the morning and didn't even feel sleepy. ^_______^

(The japanese and the korean girls had asked me if I know the Manga "Nana" 'cause they think that I look like Nana Osaki from this Manga. That's funny 'cause I love Nana and cosplayed her XDDD)

Journey to Korea Part VI

Finally the next part. (I was wondering when I'll post it XD)

The monday two weeks ago was a little sad and also frustrating. On saturday we went to the karaoke bar  and discovered a shop...a second hand shop for CDs!!! And there were a H.O.T CD and a video from their last concert standing right in front of the window. And on the cupboards so much music from the 90's. Everything! I want everything!
Thus Susu and I went there in the heat of the monday afternoon. But the store was still closed. Something was written on the window, we translated it in the dorm and found out that the word means a last sale before the store will be closed forever.  Q___________Q Why!!!!!????
Now there's just a window between me and things you won't even find on the internet. u.u

Our next trip took  place on wednesday and thursday afternoon. We visited the Public Museum.
Ok, that's nat so interesting, really, it wasn't. Maybe if we had have a guide who could've told us something about gthe relicts but without one we were just staring at pretty jewelery and a looooot of pottery. I'm always wondering how they are able to find all these little pieces and set them together to rebuilt a necklace or a vase.
You definitely should go there if you happen to be in Gyeongju.
The next day we made a tour with a group of japanese woman and our new friend the japanese student Takashi to 3 important culture points in Gyeongju. The waterpalace "Anabji" (it used to be a summerpalace for the kings family), next the hill graves of the Silla kings (Silla was the smallest kingdom in the time of the three kingdoms in korea, but it united korea though) and some other place (I forgot the name XD).
The waterpalace must have looked amazing in the past but they could only rebuilt three pagodas. Everything else is gone. But the garden is pretty!
The graves of the kings are located in the park. They look like well formed half round hills with fresh perfect green grass on them. There's only one open grave. I forgot the name of the king who used to be buried there but there are some of his treasures shown. Like his body has just disappeared his clothes are laying in the sand  surrounded by a glascage, 1 m stone and 5m soil.
Most of the time I was talking to Markus, a half korean boy, about video games. *gg

This evening our group was invited (yeah again! XD) to a chinese resaturante. The invitation came from the university president himself.  What an honor!
He's a nice not that bad looking man in his 50's (I think)  and pretty vital. I say that 'cause he wanted to go on a little bike tour with 9 of us.  Susu and me went with them and we were driving through the darkness. (the sun sets early in korea)
We jsut drove along the riverside. It's pretty nice there. Everythings new on one side of the river. You can play soccer on fresh freen grass ( they even installed soccer goals) and a long long way to walk and skate and run. The people here like it to go there in summer when the air is to hot. They just play or eat there...or sleep.
The president bought us some icecream  and later we sat on the gras with some beer (I had banana milk!) and talked a little. It was cool.
One of us, Sara (she's full korean and speaks korean very well) came later 'cause the president promised her before to give her a ride on his bike. So he was talking over the phone with his assistent and told him to get him a bike with a carrier (our bikes have no). But all the 'rent a bike' stores were already closed. Thus Sara came by car and we walked all over the bridge. At the other side  of the river the driver was wating to pick her up and to lead us through the dark mountain ways.
At the end of the tour Susu and me were challenging with the boys to be the first ones at the dorm. Only one guy was faster then us! haha!
(my conditions are better then I thought XD)

Journey to Korea Part V


Yeah, that's what we found in Gyeongju. I was kind of shocked 'cause I'd have never searched for that store in an old city like this. Later we found also "Elite" XDDD *joy joy


Gyeongjus shopping streets are very stuffed with people. There's only one big street, the rest streets there are pretty tight. We searched  for a CD store 3 hours long while the sun was burning down from a bright blue sky. Finally we found one, small, with only one Cupboard of modern popmusic. But it was like a dream though, buying seo Taiji, Tony, Big Bang and SS 501 CDs in a store, for real, and not from the internet. And the owner gave us posters for free! Now I have a really pretty one of Hye Seong and even a Lee jae Won poster. (H.O.T Love Love)

Besides you can find in korea (like in many asian countries) these stores for all the cuteeee~~~~ stuff. Jewelery (cat earrings *______*) and hair pins (Hello Kitty *gg) and pencilcases (Pucca!!) and so much more. I bought 10 pair of socks 'cause they have stars in comic form on them. O_______O There was the whole Big bang group, MC Mong, MC Yoo, Kang Oh Dong etc....@____@
I wish I could've bought everything, but I was satisfied.

At "Baskin Robbins" we found my birthdaycake. I chose it and Susus payed yay! lol (it was her brithday present for mir)
The woman in the shop asked how long it'll take until we want to eat it 'cause the cake would only last for two hours. Thus I was kind of worried if it would survive the sixz hours 'til midnight. But the put it in a box with dryice and everything was OK.

My birthdaynight was warm. The half of our group came to the dorm yard to congratulate me. They sang the korean "Happy Birthday" for me  and there were 20 candles on the cake.  I was so happy that I could celebrate with these People 'cause the last birthday like this had been years ago.

My teacher gave me eyeshadow that's able to talk . (It tells you how to use it XD) *freaky in the vening we celebrated all together in our common room. That day was Mario's birthday too and 2 other people left us thus it was also a farewell party. They bought us Kimbab (korean Sushi) and Dumplings. At least Mr. Seon gave us another birthdaycake. (again from BR)

Thank you all so much!!!!

The next sunday was one of the most amazing days.  
A second time we were invited to Seongdeok  University.  I was tired in the morning 'cause of the long ride  but my brain started working as we got there. The streeets around the hills are really tight and uncomfortable. As our busdriver tried to take the last curve up to the entrrance we had a little crash. The curve was sharp and had a high curbstone that was now digging into one side of the bus. This poor man, he was really upset, I felt really sorry for him. And what happened? Everyone was staring at the mess. (Hello? Am I the the only one who knows how rude and embarrassing that is?)

Anyway we were invited to make traditional rice cake. The koreans say: a woman who can make beautiful rice cakes will have beautiful children. So I worked hard on mine haha!

The barbecue with the kids were so much fun this time. We had 4 really talkative girls on our table. They were all good in english, you just have to find the right theme, something interesting. Thus I mentioned korean popmusic and asked them if they know BigBang. Awww how their eyes sparkeled at this moment. Two Bigbang fans for me and also one Suju fan for Susu. Therefore we were singing and kind of fighting on the table. Hach they were all so cute I'd like to visit them again.

Like the other time we had to dance with the kids and I feltlike some supermodel 'cause half of the boys were staring at me and calling me 'pretty' and 'beautiful' XDDD 
We should get in pairs to dance and always when a boy came to me all his bfriends just said "Woohooo..." so annoying but kind of funny.
Before we left I was lucky to meet the girls again. They came from a handicrafts lesson and gave ne what they made as a farewell present. That was to cute~~~ *^^*

On this evening we went to a small temple as our last stop for this day. It is located were monk Ilyeon is buried. He wrote "Samguk Yusa" in the 13th century, one of the most important and oldest books in the korean history. 
We talked to the priest there, he showed us around, told us some stories about Ilyeon, Samguk Yusa and hisself and invited us to rice ake and watermelonjuice with ballshaped melonpieces in it. *________________*
I love watermelon hehe!

Our group at seogguram

Journey to Korea Part IV

Hey guys^^
It's time for the  next entry!!!

Fortunatly the second week wasn't as busy as the last one.
On Monday my friend went to the university hospital for the 3 time. The first time was an wednesday 'cause short after we got here her foot started to swell. We ignored it for three days but  it wouldn't heal, so Mr. Seon ( one of the professors here who's also our coordinator) drove her to the hospital.
It was hard to explain for him, what the doctor said. I was always with Susu, thus she wouldn't be all alone, and understood it was some infection, an angry veine. Something like that...
Thus she had to take for different kinds of medicine 3 times a day and got two injections. (Woah korean hospitals are pretty chaotic...never go alone to one, if you aren't familiar with the system @____@)
I was always sitting next to Mr. Seon to wait for her.
He's really cute, like many korean man. His behavior is just unbearable sweet sometimes. On thursday afternoon we decorated fans and he came to our table and asked me: "Are you going to make this for me?" XD
Later I was really giving it to him as a present. After the lesson Susu had to see the doctor again and I didn't want to show the fan to him 'cause it should be a surprise. And he was grabbing for it and saying:
"Come on, show me, show me!" Haha awwwww 'heart *pinches his cheeks

Mr. Seon *gg

One day in the last week we had a meditation lesson with a buddhist monk who teached us the most important rules for a real meditation. Like the right greeting to Buddha (you great Buddha with opened hands to receive his grace and love) or the right way to sit and breathe. For me it was fucking boring and to exhausting. I'm restless, I'm young.  I don't wanna sit somewhere and meditate about my life.
The Taekwondo lesson on tuesday was much more fun. I felt pretty alive after doing some sports. Kicking, hitting, jumping yeah!
But i noticed again how much my condition sucks 'cause I'm normally not doing sports. Therefore I really sucked at the streching.  Kicking and screaming senseless is my element XD *gg

Finally wednesday came. The last day before may brithday (and the birthday of my onee-chan 'happy Birthday' again) and I wanted to buy me some presents and a cake *lol
Susu and I skipped the 'making korean masks' lesson and went to the shopping street of Gyeongju. It's not that big and there are mostly only small store. But sometimes you can find something unbelievable cool hehe!